Do you ever think about how your parents’ wrongs have shaped you? Don’t worry. We all have.
Historically, cultures evolving have gone hand in hand with their societal standards. Often, children are brought up in a world where there is a correct way to behave. Unfortunately, these expectations can silence a child’s personality, intelligence, and creativity.
A child enters this world with limitless possibilities. Their brain does not impose restrictions on itself—it is not biologically predisposed to self-doubt. But over time, as they are taught to conform, to act a certain way, to follow a predefined path, and to suppress parts of themselves; their potential is gradually stifled. Instead of exploring their true abilities, they become confined by what others expect of them.
Conditioning
If a child was born in a very polite society, they will likely be raised to believe that being polite is the correct way to act. If born into a period where injustice, such as slavery, is normalized, they may grow up indifferent to it. If a child was treated badly, they may grow up to treat their children the same way. There is an outstanding theme here: children’s brains are like sponges, and will adapt to what they are exposed to.
This is why parents must be intentional about how they treat their children.
There are lasting effects of negative parenting, and the statistics are alarming:
8–12% of American youth have experienced at least one sexual assault.
9–19% have suffered physical abuse by a caregiver or another form of physical assault.
1 in 10 has witnessed serious violence between caregivers.
Children who experience such traumas will either seek therapy to heal—or, just as often, suppress their pain and carry it into adulthood. They may internalize their suffering, convincing themselves that their experiences were normal, that they were somehow at fault, or that their feelings don’t matter. This is a painful and exhausting way to go through life.
Negative parental behavior shapes children forever. Rarely is the impact a positive one.
Interrupting the Cycle
This is not to say that parents intentionally harm their children. Most parents are doing the best they can. Most people are for that matter. But everyone’s “best” looks different, and the reality is emotional well being is being handled so there is no room for slipping up. No matter how well-intentioned a parent may be, it is never acceptable to let personal traumas, emotional impulses, or unresolved pain dictate how a child is treated.
Adults should be capable of regulating their emotions. When a parent unloads their anger, frustration, or sadness onto a child, they are shifting the dynamic—becoming the child in the relationship and forcing their child into the role of emotional caretaker. This is incredibly damaging. Children look to their parents for stability and security. If a parent cannot regulate themselves, the child has no choice but to make excuses for them, normalizing unhealthy behavior. And when that child becomes a parent, they may repeat the cycle—because it’s all they’ve ever known.
This cycle has harmed children for generations. It is up to us to change that.
Approaching Parenting with a New Outlook
Not all parents make these mistakes, and even those who do have moments of love, kindness, and good intentions. But good moments do not erase harm. They do not undo the emotional wounds inflicted. A parent can sometimes be great while still passing down generational pain. And that is not okay.
As the next generation, we must do better. We must break free from the patterns we were raised with and make conscious choices about how we treat our future children. We have to give them the sense of safety, respect, reliability, and love that we desired as children.
Let’s not recycle the wrongs of the past. Let’s break the loop and treat our kids like real human beings!
